"One"...

Didgeridoo Boy has taken to referring to himself as "One", and is making requests for things as if he is a little lord. What was a now-and-then happening that I found cute has intensified, and over the past week "One" has increased his demands and his tendency to address himself as such. So, written in the way "One" has chosen to address himself, here is a very generalized summary of one of "One's" days. (That was seriously confusing to type.)

"One" deems it is time to wake now, and "One" requires his beverage. "One" would like ice in his beverage, perhaps, or perhaps not - that is not to be known. "One" cannot decide. "One" requires his lighter, because "One" would like the cigarette that is his custom upon waking. "One" cannot find his lighter. Help! Help "One"! Just help "One" find his lighter. Oh, it is on "One's" desk, where "One" left it. Of course, "One" did not put it there, even though "One" did. But "One" did not. It was moved.

Now "One" requires his Monster Energy Drink. "One" must find his keys so "One" can drive to the store. "One" cannot find his keys. Help! Help "One"! "One" needs his keys! Oh. They are in the pocket of "One's" jeans, where "One" left them. Only "One" did not put them there. Someone other than "One" must have moved them. Where is "One's" hat? "One" cannot find his....oh. There is the hat that belongs to "One". But that is not where "One" left it. Again, someone other than "One" is surely responsible.

And, so, "One" tarries to the store. Wait a minute, "One" needs his wallet. Help! Help "One"! Where is "One's" wallet? Oh. That, too, was surely moved in order to inconvenience "One".

Upon returning, "One" requires several hours of silence so "One" can make noise. And then "One" requires his bath, which he blessedly needs no help in obtaining, which is to be followed by his supper. Yes, "One" would like his supper now. "One" requires his supper. "One" does not know what supper should be, though, for that is a great mystery. "One" will consider this while he makes a phone call. But, wait! "One" cannot find the little phone book. Help! Help "One"! Oh. There is the little phone book, on the floor beside the chair where "One" last sat while on the phone. But "One" did not leave it there. Oh, no. Not "One". And now, "One" knows what he wants for his supper, and will take it. Yes, "One" should like his supper now.

And, so, "One" has his supper.

And then, "One" would like a blanket and pillow so "One" can relax on the couch. "One" might like to be awakened in time for his favorite television program, but "One" will not wake. "One" will grunt, and go back to his sleep, which he requires. And once "One" has napped sufficiently in front of the television, "One" retires to bed, where he takes his rest.

And then "One" wakes, and thus begins another day in the life of "One". Today, we are going out to buy "One" a little black shorts suit with a lace collar, and a cute hat to go with it.