Tripping the Lampe Fantastic...

A little over a month ago, I decided to halfway cave in to Didgeridoo Boy's insistence on refusing to comply with my request that he not smoke in the house. Tired of popping out of bed at 4am, having been awakened by the smell of smoke wafting from the living room, and beyond sick of repeatedly asking him to take his cigarette back out to the sealed-off dining room (where he was to then open the door to the deck), I did a couple of hours of research into how to establish a smoking area. Didn't necessarily want to do this, but the situation was deteriorating into one that was going to result in Didge living in a pup tent in the creek bed behind the house, and me in a nice, restive, resort-like hospital with soothing music and intravenous sedatives.

Naturally, I didn't tell him what I was doing - - I've learned that with Didge, the way to implement anything pertaining to the house is to just do it. He resists change *and* rules, so things have to be fully plotted out and then done with amazing swiftness. This is a man who seemingly lives to undo and destroy anything he perceives as someone trying to make a space "nice". I am almost convinced he has a phobia or resentment of attractive, pleasantly-scented homes. (Don't even get me started on his "pranks" before company arrives. Just don't.) He was not with me when I bought the big bag of charcoal, and he slept while I divvied said charcoal up between concealed containers around the dining room. He seemed pleasantly surprised when I'd finished that step and told him that smoking in that room was officially cool - provided the door was open. But I wasn't quite finished.

Didge was asleep the morning the Lampe Berger arrived. Having heard of their miraculous capabilities for a few years, I was keen on adding one to my anti-smoke arsenal. I set it up and got it working, and damned if it didn't clear the lingering cigarette smell out of the room in about fifteen minutes. Just one hitch: The starter kit I ordered came with a fragrance that's not exactly to Didgeridoo Boy's liking, but he didn't let me know right off the bat. It took him a month to ask, "What the hell is that smell you keep.....what is that? That?" (He waved his hands.) I explained the wonders of the Lampe Berger, and he said it smelled very much like a very enthusiastic redneck going out for a fancy night of line dancing. Assuring him I'd be changing the fragrance after this round did no good; he raised utter hell and claimed I feared the house smelling like people live here.

The Lampe Berger is now used daily in not only the dining room, but also the living room and Didgeridoo Boy's bathroom. It's part of my everyday housework routine - once I've run the vacuum, I light the Lampe Berger and let it rest in each of those areas for a bit. Sometimes I close the door to Didge's bathroom and just let it be for five or ten minutes to maximize its effectiveness. I swear to you this isn't about getting at Didge, this is about burning through the last bottle of default fragrance oil in a way that brings maximum benefits while being responsibly frugal. In order to do that, I have to put the lampe to use thoroughly and often in areas where it will have the greatest effect.

We must be mindful of finances and the best use of resources in this economy, now, must we not?