Totsi the Dog's Response to Things...

(I don't think she needs an introduction....)

Hello, everyone. I am Totsi, resident canine of Casa Didgeridoo and all around expert on most things good. I know I say something like that almost every time I write here, but as a dog, routine is important to me. And that is what I was going to write about today, my thoughts on my routine, because I thought some of you might find that helpful.

But I am not going to write about that today. I am going to address some of the things said by my kittysister, Foot Foot Kittycat, in what she wrote in this blog last week. My patience has been tested to its limits by her most recent public outburst. Please allow me to present you my reactions to some of what I feel are the highlights. I have decided against trying to maintain my written composure, so apologies in advance for those times when I am sure I will come across as testy.

"These people and their dancing, prancing fool of a canine stay on my nerves."

Oh. So that is how it is to be, is it? Well, let's tango, you miserable patch of calico and psychoses.

"I try acting sweet so I won't activate their paranoia and wind up getting soaked with that damned water bottle with that damned Hello Kitty on it that woman who thinks she is queen of this house tends to break out whenever I assert myself. I try to seem quiet and innocent so I can keep the silly man under my toe."

Foot Foot, I am proud of you for finally gaining the courage to admit you do this. I've known it all along. You are quite possibly the most manipulative, disrespectful, and unappreciative creature I have yet to encounter.

"Chasing strings and watching a human make an ass of herself, that's what I call fine entertainment. Well, the silly man noticed that I had started taking an interest in power cords. I'm not stupid. I am daring, damn it, and I knew all along what the hell I was doing. But, no, the decision was made to assume that I would mistake one for the other."

Foot Foot, you ignorant snit, they are trying to protect you. You most certainly did not know what you were doing. You went for anything and everything that resembled your strings, regardless of whether or not electrical current happened to be involved. Do you know what would have happened had you attacked a live power cord? This:

Did you get that, Foot Foot? Do you have any questions as to what just happened to that cat?

"Silly man made another decision that I am unhappy with. He feels my dish is to be empty before I am fed, and he says this is due to the fact that I need to learn my place and stop thinking I am the boss of things. That bastard better hide his boots. "

The way I see it, two things led to this: First, that you got into the habit of demanding to be fed again after eating three bites out of a full dish. Second, you tend to eat until you throw up. You eat like a bona fide hog. Don't you dare sit in your little sitty box and deny that you do. If there's nothing in your bowl, you head to mine and make a right little glutton of yourself there. And then you throw up. Do you see a pattern? I do.

"I already threw up in the silly man's chair in an effort to make my point."

You are on drugs, I really think you are. You weren't making a point. You had gorged yourself to the brink of explosion, and hopped up into his chair in an effort to sleep it off. And never mind what happened then. It was so disgusting I had to leave the room.

Now, have you noticed what I have not directly addressed? Since I'm sure figuring this out would pain you greatly by wrenching you out the depths of your utter self absorption, I will go ahead and tell you that the way you refer to Mommy and Daddy is highly inappropriate. "That woman" and the "silly man" keep a roof over your head, food in your dish, and cater to almost every one of your increasing whims. I've taken note of the fact that you do not even bother with proper capitalization of those terms, and I realize that's intentional. Somebody needs to slap some sense and respect into you.

Oh, wait. There's one more golden nugget:

"Aim for the jugular, brethren."

Doesn't that just take the cake straight off the bake sale table? Foot Foot, you fit in a shoebox. Please get a clue. I am sure one or a series thereof would surely begin to help you.

I hope this makes my position clear. Thank you all for indulging my need to address these issues. It is my sincere hope that my posts won't need to take on such a negative tone again in the future, and I sincerely apologize to anyone I might have offended besides Foot Foot.

Enjoy your day, and dance some.

Totsi Tatertot Didgeridoo