Sunday night in ten easy steps...

Step One:

Notice the dog is sitting, staring at you, chortling and hoo'ing. When she puts her paw on your leg (which she will), move on.

Step Two:

Ask, "Do you need to go outside?" The dog will run to the back door. Go to the next step.

Step Three:

Follow the dog, and open the door for her.

Step Four:

Note how dark it is. Your precious dog might not like the dark, so turn on the outside light for her. Wouldn't want her to get scared on her nightly deck inspection rounds, would we? Time for....

Step Five:

Remark to the dog how large a moth that is that's just flown up to inspect the light over the door. Be thankful that it isn't one of those giant green ones, and voice that as well. Begin to realize that in a moment, you will have to open the door to let the dog back in. How on earth will you avoid being attacked by that moth? Start thinking about that now, but stop before moving to the next step.

Step Six:

Note that the dog is standing at the door, watching you watch the moth in a way that clearly indicates she doubts your intelligence at not being able to recognize that it's just a simple moth. Ask her if she would like to come back inside, and look back up as you open the screen for her. Brace yourself for Step Seven.

Step Seven:

You will notice that the moth is flying into your face. Scream. Tell all and sundry about this moth flying into your face, but do not use words. Just scream. Note the echo!

Step Eight:

You can shut the door. The moth will be inside. Stop screaming, and perform a spirited jig directly above where the moth will land, which will probably be about two inches away from your left big toe. Allow it to register that the neighbor's dog is barking. Yes, you made that happen.

Step Nine:

Realize that your neighbor has come out onto his deck, and is asking his dog what the matter could be while telling him to hush. Also realize that people tend to run outside to determine what could be going on when they hear a woman scream at 11.00pm.

Step Ten:

Tell your husband to put the moth outside. Hand him a broom, and go to bed.