Intruments of torture...

I have decided that Didgeridoo Boy uses energy drinks as weapons. They used to be an occasional thing - - Mt. Dew is a good source of caffeine, and he drank that for his daily boost for quite a while, but then he decided he needed more. Why? Well, maybe he likes the rush. After much careful consideration I've come to think that he drinks them so he finagle me into submission with greater efficiency and enjoy the process that much more.

Exaggeration? No. Let me give you a ten step rundown of what can happen with just one can of Monster Energy Drink when he and I are on an errands run:

1. We go to the "sto" for his "crunk juice".

2. He purchases and consumes said "crunk juice".

3. His driving goes a little more swoopy.

4. The Didgerifurbee awakes. He will spout nonsense, just one "word" to start with. Sometimes, he will speak English, and just yell, "FART!"

5. The nonsense continues, along with lines of questioning pertaining to why I like or do not like: Gas, gas, gas, gas, or gas. What do I think of his gas? Why do I not like his gas? How can I not find it funny?

6. It will be time for movie chat. For example, why do I like or dislike "Coming to America"? What is my favorite scene in "Jaws III"? Oh, I don't like "Jaws III"? Why not? What do I think of his taste in movies?

7. As I am trying to generate answers that will make the incessant line of questioning stop, I realize we are at Walmart. Odd, I don't remember that we were going to do that.

8. I become glad I am in a store as spacious as WalMart, as I failed to have my morning cardio and have to chase Didge all over the place. I begin trying to bribe him with things to get him to stop zipping around, check out, and leave.

9. I realize we are in the car on the way home. Exhausted by this point, I no longer have the energy to debate concerning dinner, and after I have cooked dinner I damned well don't have the energy to load the dishwasher - which would make noises that disturb Didge, anyway.

10. Didgeridoo Boy makes a merry mess with his bribery snacks, and happily watches his programming choices while I sit in the stupor brought on by half sleep, no longer giving a flying you-know-what about anything.

Nutshell version: Didge has had his way all day, and it all can be traced to the antics produced by one energy drink.