First stop: Walmart Supercenter. As we're going in, I mention that we need a basket. Didge says to go get one, and asks if I don't actually need a cart. I say I do, actually, need a cart. He says to go get one. I stand there. He says to go get one. I stand there. He goes to get one, and pulls it (yes, pulls) straight through the middle of the store with me following, mentioning a couple of times that we need to go "over there". The cart is careening a bit, and I ask why he pulls it. He says it's perfectly safe and that only a clumsy fool would trip over it, and that he is not a clumsy fool. I almost trip over it. Didge purposefully meanders right to the electronics department, where he stops in front of the DVD display. He wiggles in place, and sticks out his tongue. I tell him I will meet him back there once I've gathered everything we need.
I gather everything we need, and make my way back to where I left Didge. He's not there. I carefully comb electronics, and finally notice him zipping around the end of an aisle in the toy department. He stops. I say his name. He darts down an adjacent aisle without looking at me. I make it to him and ask if he is having a good time. He stands. I ask if he is ready to go. He wiggles in place a little, but says that he is. He goes to another aisle. I park the cart. He looks at me, and I ask again if he is finished. He says he is and takes off to the front of the store, quickly. I catch up with him, and he slows down. He has remembered a magazine he wants, he says, and goes off to get it. I park the cart. He comes back. We get into line, he dashes off to find a Slim Jim, comes back, we check out, and leave.
In the parking lot, he begins spouting out names like Dunce and Fool until I finally ask him if he is saying those things to me. He says he is. I ask him why. He says he's in the mood to do so. I tell him it might be a good idea for him to quit it. Once we've gotten to the car, he wiggles in place again.
And off we go to the grocery store, where I damned well lost him. This is ironic, because it's only one tenth the size of Walmart, where I had no trouble finding him whatsoever. Sorry, I said no opinions - just facts, right? Onward. I lost him. As I was coming out of the produce section, he appeared with a box of microwave popcorn, holding it up like it was a sign. I told him I'd get it. He put it into the basket and walked off, where he stayed. I finished shopping and went to find him. I went to find him some more. For a brief moment, I saw him in front of the magazines from the other end of the aisle. Called him. He went in the other direction. I took off in a jog down the aisle, and stopped at the end, where I saw he was headed back to the produce section looking all the world like he was lost. I called him. He kept going. I ran up to him and said his name. He stopped, and said, "Oh!" He wiggled in place, then followed me to the checkout. We checked out, and came home.
So there you have it - a calm, normal errands run. That's as basic as it gets, y'all.
Are you still awake?
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