What I said versus what I wanted to say...

I haven't written up such a post in a while, probably since my Diaryland incarnation, so this might suck. I'm rusty. But it's what I'm in the mood to write, with a gawdamighty load of work to do this week facing me (wheeee), so here goes:

To the creepy man who trailed me around the grocery store, running his cart right up behind me on an aisle, then tailgating me to the checkout where he abruptly stopped his nonsense the second I made my wedding ring very visible. VERY visible.

What I said:

I said nothing. I waved my left hand all sorts of around and ignored him.

What I wanted to say:

"Has stalking proven effective in the past? Look, I know I'm attractive. You probably thought I was much younger than I am, as I do, indeed, look much younger than I am. And, yes, I know my butt looks nice in those jeans. But, still - following someone at a distance of about six feet, even when she's intentionally changed course several times? Try another approach. Hell, try a lobotomy or shock treatments. If you have to chase a woman you don't know to try to get her attention, or if you think it's fun (or funny) to do so? You probably need to screw yourself. Actually, why don't you do that? And for the record, I would have kicked your ass if you would have pursued me into the parking lot. I have a mean right. Granted, you quit when you saw my wedding ring - but that was also made apparent the moment we got into a crowd. Were you an exhibitionist in a past life? Are you one now?"

And I almost forgot to say this...

"Since I could tell you were very likely wondering, jackhole, yes. They're real."

Twit.