That's just nasty...

I just pitched a fit.  Not a loud one, mind you, although I am capable of that.  I pitched a fit over the word "should".  Yes, I know there are trendy quote graphics all over the place with how we should drop should from our hearts, minds, and souls - - but I've gotten jaded to them.  After reading the umpteenth instance of another person telling another person they should do a thing in a particular way (it was actually someone saying humankind in general should do a thing in a particular way), I remembered a fun twist on should I learned a few years ago.  Where, I don't remember.  But the gist of it?

Should is judgment, and then some.  It's a guilt-laden manipulation tactic.  Let's try it this way:  Should = shit.  And to should someone is to shit all over them.  Likewise, to should yourself is to shit all over yourself.

Now - WHY would anyone do that?   And before you should all over someone else, flip it and think upon how downright gross that is.  

I used to call myself out *hard* on my use of it, because I was a very strong should-er.  In relation to others, apart from the more brutal example of doing that all over somebody, I took on a rephrasing exercise any time I wanted to say it, replacing should with:  "It would fit my reality if you...", or, "I would be more comfortable if you...".  I came to see that not only is there judgment in should, there's entitlement and expectation.  Why the hell would I expect that anyone change anything to make me more comfortable with what they're doing or saying, or that I am entitled to have everyone bow down to my every whim?  Why was I so insecure that I needed to control everything in that way?  It was challenging, but it shifted my perception in a powerful way.  I learned that I used should as an escape hatch - as strong as I thought I was, I was nothing without that tactic.  And then I learned the shit example and, after doing a gross out dance, dropped the practice of shoulding for a long time.

But it's been creeping back in lately, and just now, in my kitchen, preparing my breakfast - I had a should moment.  And I realized how easy creating this new life would be if I dropped that practice, if I stopped bullying myself with the five letter equivalent of a four letter word.  Better yet, what if I stopped using should as the escape hatch to actually making a decision based upon what I want and away from the fear of what someone might think?  Whoa.  Yeah.  My whole year brightened up in an instant.  And for the people I will invariably encounter who use it?  I might just be a smartass and offer them some Pepto.  (Just kidding.)  (Maybe.)  (Oddly enough, that would probably be shoulding, too.)  

So give this to yourself:  Back away from the should.  It's nasty.  Experiment with what happens, and pay attention to what it brings up for you.  And do something YOU want to do.